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Interview with
Tigress Luv, the Broken Heart Guru:
1. Have you always been
interested in relationships? "Oh, my, YES. Even as a young child
in grade school I can remember watching the boys and girls chasing each other
at recess, and being fascinated by the 'game of attraction' between the two."
Where did you get your inspiration to begin your
websites? "After working through a personally devastating event
in my life, I began working at iVillage as a community leader. I found that
helping others heal, helped me heal, also. The more and more I helped, the
more I became dissatisfied with the 'impersonalization' there. We were not
allowed to give links outside of the site to help the members, and were unable
to mention names of helpful books. Unhappy with the 'restrictions' there,
I decided to leave and form my own Lifted Hearts Network. In the Lifted Hearts
Network members are always welcomed to share a link or refer a book - even
if it isn't one of mine (laughs). I encourage such support and advice in
the network."
2. Do you hear
from a lot of people through your work? "I average hundreds
of emails weekly, and hardly have time to read them all, yet, alone, answer
them. I am a one 'woman' operation, and handle everything! From writing
all my own articles and books; to finances; advertising, promotion,
and marketing; and even doing my own graphics and designing all the websites
in the Lifted Hearts Network. I have considered getting assistance, but I
am very particular about the correctness of advice that gets handed out.
In other words, I would rather not get back to an email, than to hire someone
else to do it and risk them handing out wrong advice."
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3. What are some
things people write to you about the most? "Oh, that's easy! I
would say that about 60% of my emails are from people needing advice on saving
a relationship, about 30% are from those needing advice with coping with
grief and understanding the pain associated with a loss, and the other 10%
compromise other relationship problems - mainly commitment phobia and
infidelity.
4. Which of your books
are your favorites? "My new book,
"Why Women Love
Bastards" has got to be my favorite. I had a blast writing it. Also,
my "BreakupScopes" is, by far,
the most accurate advice to date on how to win your ex back. What makes it
unique is that it is specific to the type of person your ex was, and not
just a generic 'here's how to get them back' book. It was so much fun writing
it because I got to use all my knowledge and insights on people, and what
makes certain personalities respond and react to certain situations. Although
my How To STOP Your Breakup - A Guide
For the Rest of Us! book does work, it is not for everyone. The simple
truth is the plan to win back an ex shouldn't be the same for everyone, because
not everyone's ex is the same, or motivated by the same things. In other
words, face it - not all our exes are the same man/woman, and so the plan
to win them back shouldn't be the same either! Secondly, when writing my
Why Women Cheat book I learned
a lot about myself. Although I haven't been unfaithful in my current or past
relationships, the research to do the book forced me to take a really deep,
honest, and insightful look at women, and what makes women tick. It was very
revealing, and enlightening - and sometimes a very embarrassing blow to my
female ego."
5. Which of
your books was the hardest to write? "I think the hardest to write
was How To Get Over a Breakup -
it was also my most rewarding. However, it was very painful rehashing all
my own pain from the past (of which I needed it to reflect upon). On the
plus side, I have had so many rewards, over and over, since I released the
book years ago, including people who have sent me before [you know, mired
in grief] and after [happy and 'free' from the grief that consumed
them] pictures of themselves. My favorites I have kept in a folder and
I use them to inspire me when I feel overwhelmed. My biggest reward was a
photograph and a letter from a man in his early 20's. He had wrote me that
he had planned to end his life that very night, until he found my
book on the Internet and read it. There are no greater rewards than that!
Oh, and - leaving names out - I will only say that he is now a somewhat famous
entertainer [and I'm sure his ex is kicking herself in her butt right about
now!]."
6. If you could send
a message to thousands of hurting people right now, what would it
be? "Stop dancing with ghosts - one hundred years from now it
won't matter anyway."
7. Do you see
any trends in relationships in recent years? "Unfortunately, a
very sad yes. I see more and more people looking for some secret formula
that will make the opposite sex turn into their love puppet and/or sexual
conquest. More and more books are popping up on how to manipulate the opposite
sex to get what you want out of them. Unfortunately, who wants to have to
'pull a string' every time you need a partner to show an interest in you?
I truly wish people would put more focus on understanding emotions and feelings,
and less on how to get a quick fix (lay) to avoid real intimacy. I hope,
too, that someday soon - VERY soon - our schools will understand the
value of emotional health and start teaching our children about their
emotions. Teenage suicide is astronomical because the kids today don't have
the slightest idea what an emotion is, yet alone why they feel the way they
do and how to understand and deal with bad and negative emotions. The schools
teach our children about what goes on inside us physically. But we all, children
and adults alike, need to become more aware of what goes on inside
us emotionally. Once we can do that,
relationship problems, depression, and suicide may become a thing of the
past."
8. Do you think
breakups are harder on men or on women?
"Where breakups are hard on all people in general,
men, by far, become the most devastated after the loss of a loved one. I
think this is because only with their intimate partner, can a man
truly be allowed to be himself. Women can be themselves, fears and all, anywhere
and with just about anybody, but men connect on an intimate level - where
they can feel safe to be themselves - only with the women in their
lives. As I stated in my Why Women
Cheat book, in our society it is socially acceptable for women to
feel. We can cry, we get all blubbery, we can pout, we get our feelings hurt,
we can be scared of bugs and storms and those things-that-go-bump-in-the-night,
we can be helpless when it comes to changing a tire
... and the more we are these things, the more 'female' we appear. But men
... poor men don't have society's permission to be emotional or weak or have
fears or be incapable of getting things done. If a man
walked into a club, rushed up to his male friends and started crying most
people would think that something was wrong—terribly wrong! Because
men just aren't allowed to cry, or be scared, or feel. But only with
his woman, his intimate partner, can he truly relax and be himself. He can
expose his inner self without fear of being mocked or ridiculed. He doesn't
need to be 'all he can be'. When this comfort zone is taken from him, he
loses his identity - his safe zone."
Tigress Luv , the Broken Heart Guru, is the author
of How to Get Over a Broken Heart, an instantly
available online webBook and website, or ebook download, designed to help
you understand and heal from a broken heart, and How
to STOP a Breakup, also an instantly available webBook and website,
or downloadable ebook, designed to help you STOP or reverse your breakup
and get your ex back. Both are available on this site and are free when you
join our broken heart community. |
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