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Because we invest so much intimacy into our romantic relationships, going through a breakup can seem on par with experiencing the death of a loved one or close friend. Often the most painful aspect is that we don’t really know what to think; there is a fluctuating mixture of hatred, love, pain, thoughts of revenge, acceptance, and then pain again, etc. We long to be embedded in the great moments again, wondering how we got from there to here and if we are capable of getting there again. Our minds may start to play tricks on us as we personalize everything in agonizing detail rather than looking at the situation realistically.

Realistically, people break up every day because the fact that we’re all different is what makes life so interesting. Realistically, there are several billion people in the world, and at least several thousand to choose from that you could find compatibility with. Turning inward with the irrational belief that there is one person for you is very unrealistic, and thankfully so.

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Here are a few more important points to keep in mind as you work your way through the break up:

• Don’t try to deny any negative feelings that come to you regarding the breakup, but look at these feelings as an outside observer. Personalizing these feelings is what causes bitterness, long-term depression, and all the wrinkles and gray hair that come with it. Whenever possible, if you start thinking about the break up and your ex and get emotional, take 10 minutes or so to just sit quietly and observe what’s coming at you without adding to it or trying to justify it further. Simply observe what’s happening to you physically.
• It’s very important if you’re suffering from feelings of rejection over the breakup to consider a solution to the problem. Solutions vary from person to person, but some things that are NOT solutions are: Indulging in addictions of drugs, alcohol, or junk food; sleeping with anyone you can find for ‘revenge’; trashing your ex to your friends and anyone else who will listen; trying to become somebody else in the hope of a reconciliation. A real solution involves finding ways to continually better yourself in an effort to get over any feelings of worthlessness. Take the opportunity of being single to do those things that you have wanted to do for some time, but have procrastinated about because your time was being taken up with your relationship
• If you ended the relationship and are experiencing guilt because you don’t feel like you handled it as sensitively as you could, then take some time to figure out the root of the problem, so that you can try to end it with less emotion and more reason. This is particularly important if you are in a situation where you will be seeing your ex regularly or sporadically, as when you work together, have children together, or have mutual friends. Open your mind to the idea that there is a peaceful solution to every problem.
• If your ex is acting flippantly about the breakup, don’t let that get to you. Different people deal with emotionally charged problems in different ways, so don’t assume that because your ex is not taking it as hard as you outwardly that there isn’t regret and confusion occurring on their part as well.

Don’t do yourself the disservice of wasting your mental energy and spiritual powers on petty thoughts of resentment, jealousy, hatred or revenge. At the same time, don’t deny that there is pain; just see it for what it is - a desire for warmth, a desire to feel inspired, and a desire to be in love with the world. Take the time you have to really realize that these states of mind do not require somebody else’s participation.

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